CAT QUOTES, JOKES AND FACTS

SANDY' PAGES






"In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats." English Proverb



A HUSBAND’S DINNER

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of cards with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really annoyed if it's not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly. When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up. She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me anytime." Needless to say, from then on every night-out with her girlfriends, the woman made her husband the same meal. She eventually couldn't resist telling her girlfriends about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. But she couldn't see how. Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the table playing cards when one of her friends said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play cards knowing you murdered your own husband?" The wife quietly replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his bottom!


GOD CREATED CATS

On the first day of creation, God created the cat.... On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.... On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.... On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.... On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.... On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.... On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litter box.... Yes, it's a cat's world after all. Amen!

FACTS AND QUOTES

Cats can't taste sweets.

Cats get their sense of security from your voice. Be mindful of your tone of voice. Cats know when your are yelling at them (although they may not care)!

Cats need 1/6the the amount of light that humans do to see. Their night vision is amazing.

The phrase "a cat has nine lives" may come from early 1400's England when a popular recipe called for one part cat to nine parts chicken livers.(Taken from Cats Out of the Bag, Premium Press)

"Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you." Mary Bly

Hunting is not instinctive for cats. Kittens born to non-hunting mothes may never learn to hunt.

"PSI trailings" attempt to explain a cat's ability to travel a long distance to return to their home. It is said they use the earth's gravity to determine "their place" in the world, and to develop the ability to return there when necessary.

Neutering a cat extends its life span by two or three years.

In ancient Rome, feline feces were believed to have healing powers.

"There are people who reshape the world by force or argument, but the cat just lies there, dozing, and the world quietly reshapes itself to suit his comfort and convenience."
Allen & Amy Dodd

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a great many different ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
Joseph Wood Krutil

"I can't decide if I have a cat or a cat has me."
Esther Marton,BR>

House cats spend 10,950 hours purring during their lifetime.

Cats were domesticated house pets more than 4000 years ago.

Cats purr to communicate. Purring does not always mean happiness.

Napoleon was terrified of cats.

Astralia and Antarctica are the only continents which have no nature cat species.

"The cat goes out and the cat comes back and no one can follow upon her track. She knows where she's going. She knows where she's been, all we can do is t let her in."
Marchette Chute

"A cat is a puzzle for which there is not solution."
Hazel Nicolson

Ailurophilia is the "love of cats."

Today there are about 100 distinct breeds of the domestic cat.

The oldest home cat documented is a female tabby named "Ma". She lived to be 34 years old!,BR>

The largest cat breed is the Ragdoll. Females weigh between ten and fifteen pounds and the male between twelve and twenty pounds. They are beautiful cats!

The smallest cat breed is the Singapura. Females weigh about four pounds and the male about six pounds.

"Never try to outstubborn a cat."
Robert A. Henlein

The U.S. supersition about haveing bad luck if a black cat crosses your path grew from the belief that the cat was on its way to visit the devil. In Britain, black cats are considered good luck.

A cat will almost never meow at another cat. They reserve that for humans.

Cat Goes to Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

Cat Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To NEVER tell a human that
The world is really ruled by CATS!
~ Author Unknown

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